Archive for category Internet

Entertainment : The story of Zach Anner

I’m fairly late to the party on this, but the story really touched me, and so feel compelled to blog about it.

The first thing you have to know is that Oprah has launched her own television channel. This was completely inevitable. Her ego continues to grow, and after she launched her own magazine, it was obvious that having her own television station was next. I figure after this, the next logical step is nationhood.

In order to attract publicity and get content for her new television network, Oprah launched a contest where people could upload videos to her YouTube channel and pitch ideas for a brand new television show starring themselves to Oprah. Whoever got the most votes would win.

Enter Zach Anner. He’s a very funny guy from Austin, Texas who has cerebral palsy (the sexiest of the palsies). Here’s his audition for the Oprah contest.

That, my friends, is the full package. Funny, sympathetic, likable, and with great screen presence. Even if I was nothing but a coldhearted television exec with dollar signs for blood and ratings as my religion, I’d want to give this guy a show. Audiences will instantly love him. But, to quote LeVar Burton, you don’t have to take my word for it.

Because shortly after uploading that audition, and with the help of a few celebrity endorsements to get the ball rolling (including John Mayer, Harry Knowles, and The Hoff himself, David Hasselhoff, his audition clip exploded all over the Internet, and he went from 3,000 votes in Oprah’s contest on the morning of Friday, June 11 to a staggering 2 million votes plus by the evening of Saturday, June 12.

That put him well in the lead by a comfortable margin. The Internet had seen Zack Anner and they loved him. There was no question about it.

But that’s where this story takes a sad turn, because somehow, mysteriously, a contestant named Doctor Phyllis got a sudden surge of 300,000 votes in a twenty minute period, and surpassed him.

A lot of people on the Internet are crying foul, and suggesting the vote was rigged. It’s probably impossible to prove whether or not this is true, but it does leave a bad taste in the mouth of a hell of a lot of people, and there’s considerable anger and people saying “Oprah Winfrey hates disabled people” all over the blogscape. So what about the competition?

Here’s some Doctor Phyllis for comparison.

I have to admit, she’s not without charm or talent. She seems downright dull and generic compared to our boy Zach, but I can understand how she might win, being, let’s face it, Mini Oprah. Her stories are pretty boring, but she has her persona polished and delivers well, and those sudden 300,000 votes could very well have come from her legitimately getting the word out about herself and mobilizing voters.

There’s certainly nothing to suggest that there’s no way she could not have gotten those votes legitimately, so throwing around accusations of vote rigging and diabled person hating is, in my opinion, quite premature and downright irresponsible.

Sure, the cooler, funnier, more awesome entry didn’t win, but that’s mainstream mediocrity for you.

In response to the rigging rumours, Zach said this : “I sincerely doubt that Oprah would do anything like that. She’s probably too busy building schools and helping children to even notice someone like me. ”

That is brilliantly passive-aggressive, don’t you think? It sounds like he’s being really awesome and noble about the whole thing, totally taking the high road, but there’s that bit about “someone like me” at the end that kind of turns the knife of guilt on Oprah. Well done.

Myself, I figure somebody will give this guy a show, or at least he’ll make the rounds of the talk shows and gain a huge profile as a comedian because of all this. So don’t worry about Zach, he’ll come out alright from this, one way or another.

Like I said before, I’d give him a show in a heartbeat. I’d say the travel show idea works. He can travel with a crew, and riff, and play up to the camera, and play to his strengths, and they can edit together his strongest material into a half hour weekly show, and I predict it could be a huge hit.

I also noticed that he talks almost exactly like Emo Phillips. Here, compare :

Now, Zach talks that way because he has cerebral palsy.

What’s your excuse, Emo?

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World : Finland is now Capital of Internet

Why? Because they recently passed a law making broadband Internet a legal right.

Of course, it’s mostly symbolic, because around 96 percent of Finnish homes already have at least 1 megabit per second broadband.

But the act of making it a right gives everyone involved a very clear mandate to get those last homes wired up, and sends a very clear message that broadband Internet has joined the family of basic services like electricity, telephone service, and running water that are considered vital for all dwellings to be even considered part of modern society, and not just a luxury for some.

I doubt a lot of countries will be following suit, though, as for most countries, a big commitment like that might get you into some serious trouble. In Canada (Happy Canada Day!), we got ourselves into major trouble in the past by promising to bring things like telephone service and electricity to all Canadian homes without quite thinking that through first. There’s some Canadian homes in some mighty remote places, places where it costs the utilities a millions dollars to reach just half a dozen houses. Whoops.

Still, I’m glad to see this story. I certainly consider the Internet a basic necessity, but then again us shut-ins are likely to do so, aren’t we?

It’s like basic cable for people on welfare. It’s not a literal necessity in terms of whether you’ll be alive tomorrow, but come on, people with a lot of time on their hands need SOMETHING to do!

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Internet : Twitter Testing “You Both Follow”

There’s an interesting article over at the LA Times Blog about a new feature the folks at Twitter are testing out called “You Both Follow”.

It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like. When you look at someone’s Twitter profile, there will be a column listing everybody that you and that Twitter user both follow.

Genius. It’s such a simple idea and yet potentially quite powerful. It sounds like a great way to find out about other Twitter users you might want to follow.

But it doesn’t go far enough. Why stop at two? I’d love there to be a page to see what users I share with the most of my followers, and even a map of the clusters in the Twitter system as a whole. Ideally, it would help you identify communities of like-minded Twitter-ers in a more objective way than the “Lists” function. I like the idea of the Lists, but I haven’t really gotten into them yet.

I like the idea of clicking the profile of someone I follow and learning who we both follow. It would be a good sign that I should check out the other people said person I follow is following.

I think I just broke the verb “follw”. Yup…. used it so much the O broke off. Damn.

I’m doing a fair bit of ‘culling’ of the folks I follw lately. I had to do so, because I’ve found a bunch of new funny and interesting people to follw, so I had to drop some of the less-rewarding ones.

It’s a meritocratic system, almost Darwinian really. But someday, I shall have a Twitter feed that is so hip, interesting, funny, and relevant that I will live in eternal intellectual bliss!

And by then, maybe someone will have noticed ME…. :)

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Internet : Chatroulette Versus The Penis

Well I just lost all interest in it!

Apparently, the people behind Chatroulette want to eliminate all that sudden random cock that has made the site so famous.

They seem to think people want to go there for some OTHER reason. Really, when you can see a random stranger jerking off at any moment, what else could compare?

Well, obviously, all us penis enthusiasts need to demand that they compromise. When they release this “2.0 version”, there should be a little checkbox you can tick that says “I’m perfectly happy to see some penis. ” And/or they should have Penis Mode, where you see nothing BUT random penises, as much as you want.

If they don’t do this, obviously, someone has to go invent Cockroutlette and all the sausage fans can go THERE. (And of course, there could be CuntRoulette too, if there’s enough ladies out there willing to do that sort of thing for free).

Now, admittedly, I’m not much of a ChatRoulette user to begin with. I think I’m just not fundamentally friendly enough. You say to me “Talk to a random stranger!” and I say “Good lord, why would i?” I have trouble enough finding people I can relate to WITHIN the small pools I frequent. Why would I want to talk to a random pic from the whole ocean?

Why, you ask? Well, penis, of course! But not if these people have their evil way!

So all you guys who unzip your flies, grab your dick and double click for you right to make random strangers gaze upon the majesty and wonder of your mighty wang!

Otherwise, the forces of decency and non-perversion win, and we can’t have that!

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Barack Obama’s Twitter hacked

So some unemployed French dude hacks into the Twitter accounts of famous people, including Barack Obama and Britney Spears, by the tried and true method of just guessing the answers to people’s reminder questions for their email.

Not bad. But as far as I can tell from the story, he never DID anything with this access.

And I find that completely unacceptable.

I mean, come ON, French dude! If I had access to the Twitter accounts of mega famous people, I would be using it to sew merry havoc in a heartbeat!

Barack Obama talking about rough sex with Michelle! Britney Spears admitting to a five way with two chicks, a dude, and a Schnauzer! Come on man, live a little!

And that’s just innocent fun compared to what I’d do if I got my hands on the Twitter accounts of someone like Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh.

Them, I’d spend time on. I would lovingly construct the most plausible yet politically damaging tweets I could possibly think of. It would have to be entirely in their voices and not too outrageous or weird, or people will catch on too quick. But it has to be something that will completely destroy their credibility with their base.

Glenn Beck accuses Rush Limbaugh of being a traitor to conservative ideals. Or vice versa.

That would do nicely.

I swear, I’m not evil!

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Encyclopedia Dramatica founder faces charges.

OK, I’ll try to keep this brief.

For those of you who don’t know, Encyclopedia Dramatica is a Wikipedia-style satire site where people can write pretty much whatever the hell they want about any subject they like, and nobody cares. The idea is that the site is like the opposite of Wikipedia, and favours outrageous lies and personal abuse over fact or reality.

I’m not a fan. The idea of a satirical Wiki is fine, I’d love to start one myself, but I’ve browsed ED and it’s just plain too nasty and abusive for my tastes. The culture of the site seems to encourage some of the worst instincts in people, and for me, the occasional clever bit of satire or spoofery is not worth wading through all the lame /b/ level humour.

That said…. this just ain’t right.

No matter how you dress it up, censorship stinks. I can’t stand most ED content but I will defend their right to do as they please on their own web space. Nobody is making anyone go there or read anything. Don’t want to be offended, stay away.

It’s an insult to minority groups to act like they can’t take negative opinions. I’m a fag. Homophobes can say whatever they want about us on their own websites. I don’t go to those websites, so I don’t care. There’s nothing for the law to be interested in. Nobody has the right to be free of self-inflicted hurt feelings.

So as much as I dislike ED, the founder shouldn’t go to jail on some lame Australian law just because some people picked one entry from the tens of thousands of equally horrible and offensive entries on that site to get offended by.

If you visit a pig sty, don’t be surprised to be up to your knees in shit, people.

And that’s about as long as I can stand to talk about the place.

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The Internet for Nobel Peace Prize??

I wish I was kidding.

But no, some people are pushing for the Internet to get the Nobel Peace Price for 2011.

What the hell have you people been smoking?

Giving Obama the Nobel Peace Price for basically Not Being Bush was bad enough. That really made a mockery of the award to an extend only topped by giving it to one of the most evil and shameless men in history, Henry Kissinger.

But now you’re going to give it to an ABSTRACT CONCEPT? Not even a person, but just “The Internet”? Good lord people, what’s next?

“Oooh, I know…. let’s give the next Nobel Peace Prize to RAINBOWS!”
“No no…. the next one should go to SPARKLY MAGIC!”
“Or how about giving the award to HAPPINESS!”
The whole committee coos like stoners looking at kittens.
“Guys…. I’ve got it… we’ll give the Nobel Peace Prize to…. PEACE ITSELF!”
A wide-eyed hush for a few seconds, then much cheering and passing around the big bowl of M&M and Ecstasy.

Now, before this gets TOO ranty, I should point out that “The Internet” hasn’t won anything yet, it’s just been nominated.

But after the Obama fiasco, I wouldn’t put anything past these yobbos. Whoever is in charge over there in Norway needs to start smoking a higher grade of crack, or the Nobel Peace Prize will be nothing but a right-wing punchline till the end of time.

Show some decency and restraint, for fuck’s sake.

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Sometimes Irony Sucks : Korean couple let real child die to raise virtual child online

Uh yeah. This seriously happened.

A Korean couple was arrested for letting their three month old daughter starve to death while they spent all their time at a “PC bang” online gaming center.

The kicker? They were playing an online game called “Prius” where you raise a virtual child.

The gamer community and gaming in general will likely catch some heat for this. It’s no big deal, we can take it. After being blamed by some nutbars for Columbine, we can take anything.

But a story this potently horrible really has to make you think about the line between virtual and real life, and about people’s capacity for basic inhumanity.

I find questions racing around in my head, like… Why did they have a real child in the first place? Was it unplanned? Did they somehow think they would be good parents? Did they just not want to take time away from their gaming to give the kid up for adoption?

Hell, where did they find the time and energy for sex? Couldn’t they have kept that virtual too and saved us all this horror?

And where did they get their income if they spend all their time in a “PC bang”?

Presumably, their virtual child was a lot easier to care for, and had fun things like high scores, unlockable achievements, and no diaper smell.

Of course, deep down, I know this sort of thing is bound to happen. Billions of people in the world, you’re bound to get some people who score really really low on empathy and end up doing horrible things like this. It’s not indicative of anything.

But you can’t help but feel bad for that little kid that never got a chance at life. :(

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The dark side of the Buzz

A strongly worded message to Google from someone who has a real problem with Buzz

Holy shit. What with all these social networking innovations flying about and devouring each other, I had never stopped to ask a basic question : what about people who have a really good reason to want certain people from their pasts NOT to be able to look them up and re-connect them?

The blog entry I’ve linked to above is from a woman who escaped an abusive husband and his asshole friends and then, lo and behold, Google Buzz decided in its inane eagerness to make connections to hook them all up again. It’s more complicated than that, there’s mechanical issues involving most frequent contacts and the inter-connectivity of various Google services, but that’s what it basically boils down to is : Google has made it way easier for her evil fuck of an ex-husband and his cronies to find her, and that is not an issue of convenience, for her that’s an issue of personal safety.

Google had better act fast and get WAY out ahead of this pronto, because this is exactly the sort of thing that can snowball into a very large PR nightmare in short order. I’m sure this lady’s complaint is going to be linked all over the Net like I’ve done here, because it’s not just a tale of her personal peril but a really valid point about something that a lot of us Internet-happy folks have probably never thought about.

I’m not sure, exactly, what they can do for this lady now. If her asshole ex-husband and his troglodyte friends already know where she lives and where she works, the damage is done and she is going to have to move on and start her life all over again. Google could pay for that, I suppose, or pay for some serious security guards for this poor woman.

But they can certainly fix the problems with security and privacy that caused this problem in the first place. All this mutual connecting has got to be fully and completely blockable. A lot of people have reasons not to want to be contacted by certain people, though not all as serious a reason as the lady we’ve been discussing.

And I was already dubious about Google Buzz to start with! This makes me even LESS inclined to want to try it out, and that’s exactly why Google should be worried about it.

Get on it, Google!

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