The Million Word Year

One man. One blog. One year. One million words.

Archive for July 23rd, 2010

Mood Ring : Slowly swirling silver specks

Jul 23

Posted by MegaWordMan in Journal | 1 Comment

Another hot day, another day of bad sleep, poor concentration, and a constant struggle with dehydration and heatstroke. Gosh, it’s just so fun to be me.

Oh well. Thanks to recent acquisitions, I have a nice fat buffer of books to read, so I won’t have to face the dreaded possibility of having nothing new (to me) to read for a while. That’s a nice secure feeling. I am always happier when I have fresh brain fodder.

Right now I am almost done reading Satyriasis, a erotic short story compilation by Ian Phillips. It’s OK. Like most of what passes as “literature” or “literary”, I like a lot of the content but the style irritates me. Lots of dull digressions, flowery descriptions, and absolutely no sense of pacing or direction. Things just meander along at whatever speed and eventually stop. It’s very annoying. It’s like trying to get somewhere with someone who just can’t stop themselves from stopping here and there and everywhere and dithers and dilly dallies and you have no idea when or even if you’ll get at your destination.

Personally, I can’t stand that kind of thing. If you’re going to do that, you’d better be extraordinarily interesting and engaging company so the time really flies. Those digressions better be as entertaining as the main plot, or you’ll just get on my nerves.

I’ve enjoyed some of the trip, but I’ll be glad to be finished with the book. Never a good sign when you put the book down and say “There, finally!”

random overflow buffer

Jul 23

Posted by MegaWordMan in Journal, Overflow Buffer | 2 Comments

Things too short for regular entries but too long for Twitter.




I just got an email from gaycupid.com (signed up aaaaages ago, haven’t been back) with the subject line “Chat Live With Local Men Today”. Make me imagine just hanging my head out the window and shouting to the first guy that walks by. “Hey! How you doing? Good? Cool!”

There, that was easy!



I’m so irritated with how they keep making crappy live action movie versions of perfectly good animated properties… as if animation was inherently inadequate… that I want to start making crappy big budget animated versions of perfectly good live action properties just to spite them.

Coming this fall, my big budget glitzy over-hyped animated movie, Friends.


I hate the heat. I wish air conditioning was mandatory in buildings just like heating is mandatory. That will be high on my list of reforms when we fat people take over the world. We’re slow, but we’re sneaky!

LOL : Laziest stadium security ever

Jul 23

Posted by MegaWordMan in Links, Video | No Comments

That guy had a way longer run than he should have ever had. I love how at the very, very end one security guard runs like ten feet and sort of halfassed grabs the guy. Oh yeah, you’re earning your donuts today dude. Work it. You sure showed him.

Though actually, I think it would be hilarious if they just didn’t bother to chase the guy at all, ever, and let him just completely tire himself out. Your little moment of glory is not going to seem so cool when it ends with your throwing up and passing out in Center Field, is it pal? Where’s your cool bar story there?

LOL : Darth Vader robs bank

Jul 23

Posted by MegaWordMan in Links, Video | No Comments

This seems highly appropriate for the weekend of the San Diego ComicCon, otherwise known as Nerdapalooza.

That had to be quite the moment, when people were not taking the guy seriously. The cop says Darth “regained control of the situation”. It’s too much to hope for that he did it by going all Admiral Choking Hazard on some bak guard and force choking him, isn’t it?

Let’s looks at the facts :

1. He owned a full body, one hundred percent accurate Darth Vader costume

2. He had trouble getting people to take him seriously even though he was dressed as DARTH FUCKING VADER and HAD A GUN.

3. He fled the scene of his nefarious crime on a FREAKING BICYCLE

I think this makes the conclusive case that this guy is a fellow nerd.

I think in order to find this guy, they need to check local World of Warcraft forums for someone who has recently been freaking out because they caught “mother aggro” and now their parents are going to start charging them rent.

If after the date of the crime, they post “Never mind, got it all worked out”, you know it’s our guy.

The reporter for the story (and hey bitch, fuck you for that “Star Wars freak” crack) said they wouldn’t be able to catch the guy because he didn’t take off his Darth Vader helmet the whole time of the crime.

Riiight. Woman, he fled on a bicycle. That does not conceal identity. I’m pretty sure the police are smart enough to follow the trail of “Holy crap, I saw Darth Vader go by on a bicycle” sightings all the way to the one witness that says “I saw Darth Vader go by on a bicycle, turn into the driveway of the house next door, and go inside, and I am pretty sure it’s that weird kid Darryl because I recognize his bike and the sound of his asthma inhaler. ”

That will be your guy all right.

Still, gotta give him points for creativity. He probably thought “And I’ll get away with it, because who is going to believe anyone when they say Darth Vader robbed their bank?”

People with security cameras to provide proof, dumbass.

Still, it’s interesting that this news item should pop up today, when just yesterday I was describing to someone how Paul Hogan’s character in his movie (starring, written by, and directed by him) Almost an Angel is a bank robber who gets away with his crimes by disguising himself quite convincingly as famous people and pretending to be them all the time he’s committing the crime. Then the cops show up and all the witnesses say “We were robbed by….. Michael Jackson. It was Michael Jackson. ” and the security camera footage backs them up. Yup. That’s Michael Jackson, alright.

Of course, the moment he’s out of sight, he ditches the costume, hides the money, and strolls along as an innocent bystander. “Yes officer, it was Michael Jackson. Shame a fella like that would turn the crime, isn’t it? Makes you wonder what the world is coming to. ”

The key part is when he ditches the costume unseen. I’m guessing our Darth Robber did not think it through that far, though kudos if he did.

Now maybe you think I shouldn’t be making fun of a fellow nerd by buying into the media stereotype of nerds living in their parents’ basements who can’t tell fantasy from reality, but Darth Vader is really Anakin Skywalker and he slaughtered dozens of children and oversaw the destruction of Alderan, so fuck that guy, I hope they catch him and lock him up for good on Hoth!

I just hope when they do, he doesn’t suddenly and inexplicably turn into James Earl Jones in whiteface.

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Tech : Pancake Flipping Robot

Jul 23

Posted by MegaWordMan in Links, Video | No Comments

How to teach a robot to flip pancakes. He does get it eventually!

What I find interesting is the idea of teaching the robot arm to do things in a manner not unlike how you might teach a child to do something : holding the arm and putting it through the motions.

But I can readily (and traumatically) attest, that doesn’t really work when you’re a clutzy kid who frequently trips over his own shoelaces. it jsut makes people get frustrated with you and give up when you continue to mess it up.

Of course, the robot has the advantage of being able to try over and over again with a helpful scientist and a fake pancake and no stove. He’s not making a huge mess of the kitchen and wasting a lot of pancake batter and nearly setting the house on fire as it takes him fifty trials to get it right.

Not that such a thing has ever happened to me, nope. Just an example.

The problem in both cases is that, robot or nerdy intellectual child, both systems are trying to learn by reasoning it out. And reasoning is great, but it’s not fast enough for the job. Reflexes are far faster than thought, which is good, because if you had to deduce that your hand was in a fire before you pulled it out, you’d probably pull out a charred stump.

So the thing I’ve learned only at this late date is that the secret to learning something like this is to simply take your rational mind out of the equation entirely and let your body learn instead. This is deeply counterintuitive to an intellectual, rational, think-first sort of person. But it works.

Of course, you have to have the patience and persistence to keep trying until you get it, too, and not give up in frustration the moment it seems too hard.

Both of these factors combined explain why it seems like stupid people learn these sorts of skills more easily. They don’t have a lot of rational mind to get in the way of the body learning, and persistence is not that hard when you lack the wit to become bored or think of something else to do. Someone says “Do this until you get it right”, and you do.

I’m intrigued by the question of whether the robot truly learned anything from being “shown” by the scientist how to do it, or whether it was mostly just trial and error.

And if it’s trial and error, how does it generate new approaches? Presumably, it either steps through all possibilities methodically (which would take too damn long) OR it generates them pseudo-randomly, filters them through its growing model of how this pancake thing works, and then tries them.

That’s pretty much exactly how creativity works.

A creative robot…. amazing.

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LOL : The Price is VERY WRONG

Jul 23

Posted by MegaWordMan in Captions, Links | 1 Comment

“But what happens to the contestants who don’t make it to the final round?”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know. ”

Don't look behind you...it'll all be over soon

A poor lighting choice, an unnaturally big spokesmodel smile, and a certain camera angle conspire to turn an everyday round of The Price Is Right into a window into HORROR.

I’m so glad Drew Carey got the job of The Price Is Right host. I’ve always liked him and he seems like a realyl decent guy, and I’ll always admire him for his somewhat quixotic decision to refuse to have his contract bought out when his sitcom started to tank, and instead just went right on making it (and the network had to keep on showing it) in order to keep all the people involved in the show employed and having fun. It was a highly tragically noble thing to do, and I will always admire him greatly for that.

And because of that, I am always hoping that some day, critics will rediscover the Drew Carey Show and find out that the seasons after the show should have been canceled are actually some of the most amazingly great television ever because the people were given total freedom to do whatever they wanted.

I know that is not the likely outcome, but still, it would be great. And then the DVD sales go through the roof and it’s like everyone discovers what a genius Drew Carey is and it all turns into a big wonderful Super Happy Ending for the show and everyone on it.

And they even give Ryan Stiles his own show where he’s a mall cop who is possessed by the spirit of Carol Channing whenever he hears the word “diamonds”.

It sucks, but at least he gets one.

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Journal : The inner mirror

Jul 23

Posted by MegaWordMan in Journal | No Comments

I’ve realized lately that I really have no idea how I actually come across to people.

I suppose nobody can be truly sure that they know what sort of impression they make. But still, I think it causes a lot of problems with me.

For one, I am always nervous and paranoid that people don’t really like me. Even when I’m around people who seem to like and appreciate me, and I am as relaxed around them as I ever get, there’s always this little voice in my back of my mind saying that they don’t like me, they just pity me, and they are just humouring me, and they really wish I would just go away so they didn’t have to pretend any more and can relax and maybe even talk about what they REALLY think of me.

Sounds insane, but without a real understanding of how I come across to people, without knowing one way or another if these fears are founded, I can’t make them go away or deal with them in any definitive way. And it’s the sort of thing that really eats away at your confidence and poise.

Also, without a clear idea of how I come across to people, I can’t control it. That’s the long and the short of it. It’s like not having access to a mirror, but on a more pervasive, personality basis. I want so badly for people to like me (which is a problem, I know) but I really have no idea if it’s working. All my fears, doubts, wishes, hopes, and occasional flareups of raging egomania create such a storm of emotions in me that it blocks out any real, reliable, objective information from outside my haunted head. I have the impressions that my empathy and sensitivity give me, but there’s so much else going on in there that I can never be sure what is coming from outside and what is coming from inside.

And without confidence in my own self-perception, how can I improve? How can I learn the social skills I lack and become more confident and less nervous around people, and be a happier me?

It’s this deep down insecurity that fuels a lot of my social anxiety. Part of me always thinks people are judging me harshly, even just people passing me on the sidewalk. My experiences in the cruel and unforgiving jungle of the schoolyard playground (and worse, the walk to and from school) instilled a deep and terrible fear of others in me. Part of me is still a very scared child who thinks that at any moment, people could turn on him and decide to torment him just for being different and unpopular. To this day, the sound of a schoolyard full of children playing triggers some very bad stuff in me.

That’s probably why I have trouble thinking people really like me, too. I had people pretend to like me just to get me to let my guard down so they could torment me even further. That shit leaves a mark.

When the paranoia runs that deep, perhaps there’s no form of external affirmation that I would truly believe for long anyhow. If so, that’s a serious fucking problem. I could be showered with accolades and recognition and still hate myself. Yowch.

I got a head full of issues and heart full of ghosts and demons.

It ain’t easy being a tortured artist!

Cool : Jewel Karaoke Night

Jul 23

Posted by MegaWordMan in Links, Video | No Comments

The clever togs over at Funny Or Die had a great idea : Get pop-folk singer Jewel to dress up as a dowdy middle-aged businesswoman (complete with unflattering fake nose), send her to a karaoke night with some accomplices, and have her sing her own songs for the karaoke crowd. And well, just see what happens.

I had my doubts about the wisdom of the idea. Seemed like there was a lot of ways it could go wrong. But it didn’t go wrong, in fact, it went awesome.

This is what happened :

Wasn’t that cool? Those people had quite the experience that night. First they got to see what, to them, seemed like an awesome performer who was just a regular person like themselves, which is a big part of what makes karaoke culture work.

It was smart of them to go to a place that had a well-established karaoke night with a regular crowd and a really good, positive vibe. With a place like that, people are used to be being mutually supportive. Everyone wants everyone to do great, and people can feel like stars, if only for one song.

So this crowd was ready to be wowed by someone amongst them. And I find it quite touching how jazzed the crowd got by her amazing performance (you sound just like Jewel!) and found it even kind of bittersweet how they were all saying “You don’t belong here!”. Don’t sell yourself short, folks. You might not be Hollywood but you’re good people!

And then, of course, Jewel herself shows up! In their little Karaoke night! Wow! And Jewel, sweet thing that she is, was touched by how they all knew the lyrics to her first hit, “You Were Meant For Me”, even though it’s quite long in the tooth now. Well, it’s a great little song, dear. Tender and wistful and sweet, just like you. I have the MP3. It’s fantastic.

But that’s where they screwed up a little, as well, in my opinion. What they should have done is have her reveal that she’s the real Jewel up on stage, with a bit of a dramatic flourish. It would have popped huge with the crowd, and also been more honest and straightforward than having her come back again and leave people thinking they had seen two performers until they were interviewed after. As is, the people were still blown away, but it made it seem a little more like a trick and less like a cool, positive, Improv Everywhere kind of super positive stunt.

Still, pretty darn cool, Funny or Die people! You gave those people a karaoke night they will never forget, and I’m glad we were along to see it too. Things like this make the world just a little more magical, a little more special, a little more wonderful, and that can make a big difference in people’s lives. I salute you.

And kudos to Jewel for playing along so charmingly, despite, I think, being kind nervous about the whole thing. Well, so was I, dear. So was I.

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Thoughts : The burden of tolerance

Jul 23

Posted by MegaWordMan in Articles | 4 Comments

My best friend Felicity and I were discussing the problem and the difficult of finding true tolerance. She was reading a thread on ToplessRobot.com and, despite a few hopeful signs, was sad to see that, even in a haven of nerdity like that wonderful site, people still easily reverted to mocking people for being different and strange, in this case, the perennial target of abuse by nerds, the people who cosplay as characters who do not match their real weight or gender.

I commiserated with her on how sad it is that no matter how oppressed the group is (and I think our childhoods qualify nerds as an oppressed group, if nothing else), they still need to find those within that group who do not conform and heap the exact same kind of abuse on them that they themselves have suffered at the hands of others. It’s like people only tolerate those with roughly the same weirdness level as themselves, and for everyone else, it’s “Well, sure, I’m an X, but at least I’m not as bad as Y! Those people are such losers, am I right?”

I offered the opinion that true tolerance is just too hard for most people, and no fun, too. After all, mocking those different than you is fun! The jocks and bullies always thought so, after all, when they were stuffinf us into lockers and beating us up. I guess they were onto something! They were right, we just needed to get a sense of humour about it, right?

So I was feeling a little smug about my own dedication to tolerance and the principle that people have the right to be whoever they need to be, without some jackholes picking on them just for their own amusement and the amusement of the conformity-seeking audience who think, deep down, people SHOULD be punished for being weird, because weirdness hurts their brains.

And then, I came across this image :

Oh my god... it's a Stormpooper

And my first thought was “Aw, HELL no. ” And then I thought “Tolerance, eh?”

Now it’s not so bad a crime. After all, it’s not like the guy in the picture can hear me. But it gave me a little lesson in human frailty and humility nonetheless. And it reminded me that tolerance is not something people either have or do not, it’s a discipline, a suppression of a natural but immoral reaction,and as such, requires a continuing dedication to its precepts and a strong investment in self-awareness and vigilance.

You don’t just become tolerant and from then on it’s easy. You have to teach and train yourself, and each new horizon brights its own challenge.

I’m sure that fellow posed in a diaper and a Stormtrooper helmet for reasons that make perfect sense to him. Sex was probably a factor. It’s not my business to judge his actions. He’s not hurting anyone, he’s just being the person he has to be, the person he really is on the inside, and everyone is entitled to that as long as they are not infringing on the rights of others.

So laugh, if you want to, but remember : there’s plenty of people out there in the world who would find whatever you get up to on the weekends hilarious too.

And do you really want to be like them?

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Cool : Ultraviolet Tattooing

Jul 23

Posted by MegaWordMan in Links, Video | 1 Comment

Pretty cool idea, huh? The man’s accent and existing tattoos kind of dilute the message, but the basic idea is that you could have a tattoo that is invisible under normal conditions and only shows up in black light. Then you go to a black light club, and whoa, glow in the dark (looking) tattoos!

Which reminds me, I should clarify his statement that “it looks like they are glowing, but they are not”. Um, yeah they are. What he means is, they don’t glow by their own light, like a glowstick. They just reflect the “black” UV light, refracting it into visible light, and hence, look all glowy

It’s a neat effect. And if for some reason, you really want a tattoo, but are really afraid of looking like a freak or making your spouse mad or whatnot, this would be a workable compromise. What tattoo, dear? I don’t see a tattoo anywhere on me!

It would also, I think, be a very cool way to mark people as members of your secret society. Especially if you could tune it so that it responded only to a very specific frequency of UV. That way, people’s allegiance to your secret society isn’t revealed by a casual visit to a head shop. But point the right light source at people’s forehead and boom, there’s your symbol.

Imagine that happening with a whole room full of people. Eerie!

Another thing I saw a long time ago now was the UV tattoo ink being used to make tattoos that actually look like they are hovering a quarter inch above your skin. Now THAT is fucking COOL. If you like a high tech future look, glow in the dark symbols floating atop your skin is going to do it.

I’ve had this idea for a while, it’s a simple idea but I think the visual impact could well be immense.

Basically, you get people to come to a club night wearing whatever they have that is black light reactive. Clothes, tatts, accessories, whatever. Plus, give out those UV temporary markers, the ones that just wash out in the washing machine, and encourage people to doodle. Plus, of course, put lots of black light reactive art around, including some designs on the dance floor itself.

Then, when everybody is ready, you shin a nice powerful black light at a disco ball.

Imagine all those little rosettes of light created by the disco ball being invisible except as they reflect off of all the black light reactive designs. The designs would seem to shift, shimmer, and move as the black light moved over and along them.

Then maybe add a black light strobe, maybe a couple of black light spotlights swooping around… the whole thing could get pretty damn trippy.

Of course, in order for it to work, it would have to be pretty dark in the club, and that might present certain safety problems. But I’ve seen clubs that dark in places. People get around somehow.

All in all, I think if you could pull that off, with the right DJ playing the right acid trip-hop space music, it could be quite the popular club night. And technologically speaking, it would not be that hard or expensive to pull off. But the logistical angles, like where to put various lights and art pieces, how strong to make the black light, and so on, could be a hassle to perfect. Lots of fiddling around and experimentation.

But there’s a lot of cha ching to be made having the hottest, coolest club night in town. The novelty would wear off eventually, but while it lasted, it would rock.

I’d definitely want a percentage of the door and drinks.

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