The crime itself is not that unusual.
Young guy goes to party, some assholes start ragging on him, he leaves and they think nothing of it, then he comes back with a gun, shit gets crazy, someone gets shot.
It’s not an everyday occurrence in most neighbourhoods, but it’s not that unusual. And it’s no surprise that our sensitive shooter was 23, right in the Prime Crime demographic of 18-25 and male. If a man is going to do something really crazy and stupid, those are the years where it will happen.
And it’s not the fact that it was the shape of the Nuva alco-pop bottle that our shooter was holding that prompted me to want to write about this incident. I’m sure the news people think that’s the “hook” for the story, but it’s not what interests me.
I’m interested in what the people at Nuva are thinking about this intriguing new form of publicity.
I’m sure the people at Nuva would rather people weren’t getting the message “Nuva : Our bottles are so gay looking, people will mock you mercilessly at parties, driving you into a homicidal rage”.
Most guys just won’t wanna go there, ya know?
Let’s take a look at the bottle in question.
That's pretty gay looking
You know, I have to admit, that’s pretty damned gay looking. It really does look like something you’d find in your girlfriend’s purse. The color, the shape of the bottle, everything about it says “I’m full of cosmetics and if you’re a man I’ll turn you insta-gay. ”
Now in our shooter’s defense, my minimal research has revealed that this stuff (which is apparently not vodka but a “sparkling liqueur”) had been popping up in rap videos all over the place as, presumably, the people behind Nuvo have been eagerly paying rap artists to make it appear like this Nuvo shit is the new Cristal or Hennesey, the new in-drink for the “I’m a rich rapper so I dress and act like a cartoon rich person” set that seems to be all the rage now.
I guess it’s better than gangsta, where they weren’t allowed to wear nice things or look happy, but still, that’s some lame shit, guys.
Anyhow, presumably the shooter thought he’d look all cool showing up at the party with this latest in-thing in his hand, only to be mocked because of its amazingly girly Revlon-esque shape. No wonder he got super pissed off at life in general.
I’d be curious to be a fly on the wall when the people at Nuva have a talk with whoever sold them on that particular bottle design.
“You said it would be hip and different! Unique, you said! Artistic! Distinctive! I told people the damn thing looked like a tube of lipstick only gayer, but no, you had a vision! You told us all your friends loved the design! I’m sure they did, but I bet they also all love cock, and that’s not the demographic we’re going for here, OK? Now your gayass bottle design is getting people shot. You better hope I don’t get a note from Legal saying we’re getting sued for this. ”
It certainly doesn’t look like something I’d want to drink. That’s not a color found in nature. And calling it a “sparkling liqueur” does not help me to know what it might taste like. Liqueurs come in every conceivable flavour and some you would never think of in a million years. There’s some I like, like cointreau, or frangelico, and some I loathe, like Kirsch or Green Apple Schnapps. (A is for Apple… S is for Schnapps… )
So um, count me out of the Nuva revolution. My prediction : it will be the Zima of this era.