The Million Word Year

One man. One blog. One year. One million words.

Posts Tagged evil

LOL : Captain Higgins, the Parastic Flatworm

Jul 31

Posted by MegaWordMan in Captions, Links | No Comments

If you click this here link, you’ll go to a page on the hilariously awesome site The Oatmeal which tells you way, way more than you have every wanted to know about the complex and horrifying life cycle of a particularly nasty kind of parasitic flatworm known as Dicrocoleum dendriticum, or the Lancet liver fluke.

This unbelievably villainous creature has a spectacularly gross life cycle that goes more or less like this :

1. Be born in cow poop. Wait for a snail to eat you. (Snails eat poop covered parasites all the time, I guess. Isn’t nature fun, kids?)
2. Drill into the snail’s guts and live off the snail until you reach adolescent stage.
3. Exit the snail via one of the slime balls they regularly secrete. (So that’s where BP execs from from. )
4. An ant then happens along and drinks the slimeball with you in it.
5. You make your way to what passes for a brain in an ant, and TAKE COMPLETE CONTROL OF ITS MOTOR FUNCTIONS. Yes folks, brain-controlling parasites really do exist in nature. That’s freaking nasty.
6. In your new life as a demon possessing a hapless ant, you act all normal and antlike during the day, but at night, you leave the colony, go find a blade of grass, and climb to the very tip. If you did this during the day, you’d fry from the heat. But at night, you can safely pursue this bizarre and seemingly random task.
7. It’s only when a cow comes along with the midnight munchies that the true genius of your evil plan becomes clear. The cow eats the grass with you on it (why? Because cows just don’t give a shit, that’s why. ) and you thus infiltrate the cow.
8. You then make your way to the cow’s liver, where it’s party time. You live large and have extremely disgusting hermaphroditic worm sex (also known as “doing the hermy wormy”with the rest of your crew,
and have lots of little horrible babies.
9. These babies exit the cow via cow poop, and we’re back to step 1.

So in your career as a terrifying life form, you’ve lived in poop, been eaten by a snail, lived in slime, been imbibed by an ant, TAKEN OVER THAT ANT’s BRAIN and basically worn the ant as a disguise, pretended to be an ant during the day but snuck out of the colony like a freaking ninja to await the Coming of the Cow, been eaten by a cow, then taken up residence in a cow’s liver, where you breed and die.

Being the massive nerd that I am, I can’t help but project this nightmarish life cycle into science fiction alien race terms. Imagine if the ants in that staggeringly complicated equation were replaced with human beings. We’d find these blobs of a harmless-seeming alien substance on some planet somewhere and discover that it actually tastes quite good to us and gives us quite a euphoric kick too. So this stuff rapidly becomes quite popular. But the people who drink it start behaving in odd ways. They start being attracted to high places. People who previously had a terrible fear of heights sudden start climbing anything they can find, the higher the better, and especially outdoors. By the time this becomes evident, lots of people have begun enjoying this new drink. And they all start climbing things, and they all insist on having their own peak or apex from which to just look up at the stars at night… waiting.

Waiting for what, people ask. We don’t know, the victims reply. But something is coming, and it’s going to be the most wonderful thing ever. We’re going to move on to the next level of existence. We’re going to transcend humanity. Something’s coming, and when it does, we’re going to Heaven.

And this turns out to be horrifyingly true, because these giant spacefaring creatures start showing up and messily devouring the victims and any other humans who happen to be nearby. Scientists discover that these people are emitting a signal into space, and the monsters are responding to that signal. It’s not the human beings who are going to the Promised Land, it’s their brain parasites, who have influenced them into doing exactly what the brain parasite needs them to do in order to move on to its final host, the space monsters, and the Promised Land of their livers (or whatever) where the creatures will breed and die.

The human beings with the parasite are just a snack for the monsters, a way to get them to eat the parasite, like hiding a pill in a sausage to get your dog to eat it.

Obviously, we humans would figure this out, and come up with a cure and/or fight off the angry hungry space monster or whatever.

But it would make quite the plot for an episode of Star Trek or Stargate or the like, wouldn’t it? In retrospect, it would be simpler if the whole plot took place on the one planet. Having giant flying creatures that somehow also go through space is a bit much and entirely unnecessary.

To me, as a writer, the most interesting aspect would be not just the horrifying plot, but within that plot, showing how these parasites influence us as if they are appealing to our highest ideals of transcendence and spiritual growth, when all they really want is to get us eaten. I would definitely have at least one character, a victim who is cured before he or she completes the cycle, who is incredibly angry, well past the point of mere rage, at this most horrible and intimate betrayal. They thought they were going to Paradise, and all they were getting was being food. Tragic.

Hmmm. Are there any planet-exploring science fiction shows in production right now? Because I might just have an episode to pitch them.

We’ll just leave out any elements that rely heavily on poop. No need to go there except maybe very obliquely, near the end, as a cheap joke.

“And how do the baby parasites get from the monsters back to the planet’s surface?”
“How do parasites generally exit a host?”
“Well, they…. EWW GROSS!”

Something along those lines.

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Cool : Nerds Versus Evil

Jul 22

Posted by MegaWordMan in News, World | No Comments

Nerds win. Fatality. Flawless victory.

I know I already used that today, but I don’t care.

Seems the Westboro Baptist Church decided to picket the San Diego ComicCon, and sent five whole people holding evil message bearing signs to do it.

But the nerds were ready for it, and over 100 of them showed up with signs reading things like “Superman Died For Your Signs” and “God Loves Gay Robin.”

I can’t think of a clearer, more wonderful nonviolent victory of good over evil. Nobody got hurt, nobody got into a fight, it was a simple show of support. The nerds involved simply did exactly what the Phelps fundies are doing, and are therefore protected by exactly the same laws. Your right to free expression does not preclude someone else from standing next to you to express the opposite opinion.

Your right to express your opinion does not include making anybody listen to you.

Way to go, cool nerds! This is really the best way to counteract the evil of Phelps’ organization. Wherever they go, they should be met with a completely peaceful, non-confrontational counter protest. It makes the point, and makes it quite eloquently, that these people are a tiny minority of hateful fucks and in no way represent the mainstream of anything. It strips them of their idea that they are the lone voice speaking up for millions of others who dare not speak.

Sure, it probably confirms to them their status as martyrs for the truth. I truthfully don’t give a fuck. What’s important is that their evil is completely neutralized. Instead of their presence being a depressing and hateful blot on an otherwise positive event, the counterprotest actually completely reverses it and turns the whole thing in to one big positive.

It actually makes people who support gay rights happier than they were before, and thus achieves the exact opposite of its intention. And all without violence of any sort.

As far as I am concerned, that’s a downright Care Bears level of super happy good vibe awesomeness.

And you just know the Care Bears were pro gay rights. Look at all those rainbows!

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Politics : More Arizona douchebaggery

Jul 5

Posted by MegaWordMan in Politics | 1 Comment

Admittedly, it’s no Bill 1070, but it’s still a depressing sign of Arizona’s descent into evil and madness.

An American Legion branch in Arizona has, out of nowhere, voted to ban Cinco de Mayo celebrations at its location. Because apparently they really wanted to get into that festive “beat up on brown people” mood that is sweeping through the old and evil these days.

It’s just a small-town Legion branch, so it’s more a symbolic act than anything else, but still, how small and petty and sad. The official reason :

… because Mexico does not celebrate Cinco de Mayo as a national holiday, there is no reason for the Post to conduct festivities for it..

Which, of course, is a giant steaming pile of fresh-shat Fox News.

I have a news flash for you old bastards : they don’t celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day in Ireland, either. So by your logic, all Saint Patrick’s Day celebrations should now be banned at your precious Legion.

But that’s different, right?

Like I’ve said before, old people getting all riled up about illegal immigrants is just “get of my lawn!” taken to the level of politics. People get old and tired and cranky and they lose their moral center, their humanity, and are reduced to reptile-brain functions only, like TERRITORY. It’s not about money or crime or disease, those are mere paper-thin justifications for xenophobia without compassion, without mercy, and without relent.

These people are like old dogs barking themselves hoarse in their front yard because STRANGERS! STRANGERS! STRANGERS EVERYWHERE! WHY ISN’T ANYONE DOING ANYTHING ABOUT THE STRANGERS? STRANGERS! STRANGERS! STRANGERS!!!!!!!!

It doesn’t matter that these people are harmless, present no threat to the household, and are just passersby. The dog is too stupid to tell the difference. As far as the dog is concerned, all that matters is STRANGER! STRANGER! STRANGER!

And all the bogus statistics and fear-mongering bullshit about crime rates and “diseases” is just a smokescreen for pure, basic racism. Racism has always had its appeal to the tiny of mind and tinier of heart, and it’s always put on a thin coat of justification by just flat out lying, telling people what they want to believe is true and counting on their willing complicity to cover for the lack of objective truth.

Did you hear? Crime and disease come from immigrants! I heard it from someone! And I’ll believe it and you’ll believe it and it doesn’t matter that there’s absolutely no truth to it, because it confirms what our callous and evil minds want to think anyhow! Blame the strangers! Especially the strangers who are a different color and looks different and makes us scared and nervous and they must be bad if they scare us like this, right? Because feelings are always justified!

It’s depressing and disturbing and disgusting, and anyone who partakes of this lowers the net humanity of the human race and is nothing more than subhuman throwback to primitive times.

And yes, I’m looking right at YOU, Lou Dobbs, you cunt!

And this anti-immigrant racism always wears the same colors and says the same thing. It doesn’t matter if you’re a modern Arizonan brown-hater or a 19th-century eugenicist advocating sterilization or, yes I’m going to go there, a Nazi in Hitler’s Berlin, you’re talking the same talk and walking the same walk. Immigrants are dirty, filthy, sneaky, lazy, primitive creatures who come to take our jobs and money and breed like rabbits. They aren’t people, they’re a contagion. First it’s Cinco de Mayo and the next thing you know, there’s a neighborhood where some people don’t even speak English! A WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD where there’s SOME PEOPLE who DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH out of the vast cultural hegemony of an ENTIRE NATION! Well, obviously, someone has to be done about THAT. If there is just one teeny tiny speck of not-here, I will focus on that like it’s an out of control plague that will somebody result in my deepest darkest fear : that some day, I will not be part of the dominant group any more.

It must be true, because I’m so scared!

And don’t try to tell me it’s not racist. When these people go on and on about “illegal immigrants”, they sure as hell don’t have a picture of illegal white people in their minds. I lived in the USA as an illegal immigrant for many years and nobody gave a crap about me. I didn’t fit the ‘profile’.

In fact, being a fat white male approaching middle age, I look a lot more like the people at the anti-immigration rallies than I do their target. I could have gone to one of these rallies and shaken my first and ranted and raved about all those dirty filthy illegals ruining everything for us good, honest, pure, law-abiding, God-fearing Americans, and nobody would have thought to doubt me.

I’ve been tempted to do that. Infiltrate right-wing groups and destroy them from within via subversion. Deliberately provoke them into showing their ugliest side. Encourage them to be outspoken about their REAL views. After all, it’s just the same views shared by the silent majority of right-thinking Americans who are just too afraid to speak out. They’re sure to rally around the first person with the vision and the leadership to speak the truth, right? So go out there and tell them about your theory that immigrants should be sterilized before they are deported. The world is waiting to hear you!

Good thing for them I am primarily too lazy, and secondarily too honest, to do so. Even if I had the necessary ambition, I could not stomach lying to people for long. I’d feel too guilty, even if it was for a good cause. I’m funny like that. I place a high value on my own integrity, sometimes past the point of reasonableness or my own best interests.

But it’s still nice to imagine worming my way into the heart of evil then betraying it by revealing its true face to the world.

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Pictures : Creepy clown picture

Jun 30

Posted by MegaWordMan in Captions, Links | 2 Comments

Or rather, especially creepy clown picture, as clowns are inherently creepy and therefore all pictures of them have a baseline creepiness factor of clown.

Pennywise the Clown, in simpler, more innocent child-eating times

There is so much wrongness in this picture. The way the clown looms over the child, the creepily tender way he’s holding and caressing here, and of course, her dead, dead eyes. This is not the first time the clown has come for her, and she’s learned to just let him do what he wants to do while he mind goes far, far away and her soul dies a little more each time.

I’m not sure why clowns are scary. Obviously, that’s not the intention. The intention of a clown is to be a bright, fun, exaggerated character who makes people smile and laugh. The intention is nothing but benevolent. I’m sure most professional clowns are actually quite nice people with a genuine desire to entertain people and make them laugh. But still….. eek.

A big part of it for me is the chaos. Clowns are unpredictable and capricious (seemingly), and some of the things they do are sort of mean, in a prankish kind of way. Being someone who is shy and kind of defensive, I don’t want to be around someone who might, at any moment, turn on me and do something that makes everybody laugh at me. I’ve got too many deep wounds from being bullied as a child to be able to stand that. I realize this is, on a deep level, a lack of sense of humour, quite uncharacteristic of me, but it’s not something one can simply change via mental fiat. I am what I am, I suppose.

Adding to their chaos is their inherently “loudness”, both in the literal sense and in the sense that they’ve very boisterous, outgoing, and don’t respect personal boundaries. Being in many ways a mild, quiet, bookish fellow, I don’t get along too well with that sort of literal and emotional volume level.

And of course, they look weird. And not just weird, wrong. Normally, I’m a fan of weird. But clowns, with their exaggerated features, seem too much like they are some sort of malign trickster.

Perhaps there is a vital clown-acquiring period in a child’s life, where if you get them liking clowns then, they’ll love them for life, but otherwise, without a fund of early-acquired positive associations to draw from, they, like me, be left just plain creeped out by them.

Or perhaps it’s a matter of personality. More energetic and boisterous people like clowns, shy and bookish types prefer something a little quieter.

All I know is that I don’t like clowns, and that picture is insanely, hilariously creepy.

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Video : You won’t believe this

May 5

Posted by MegaWordMan in Links, Video | 1 Comment

Watch this video. If you haven’t paid attention to celebrity news lately, I guarantee you will not know where this is going.

Watched it? Good.

Un fucking believable. Stephen Baldwin is comparing himself to Job and asking people for money to make him rich again. Because you know, all the glory will go to God. The cash, Stevie will keep. Hey, what does God need money for anyhow, right?

And the thing is, it’s not like Baldwin has lacked work. According to his IMDB entry, Baldwin is working as steadily as any actor out there. So his whole Job persecution trip is bullshit from the start. He did go bankrupt, but not for lack of work. Presumably, he just spent all his money, and now he wants more. It’s up to all you good Christians out there to help Stephen avoid the consequences of his own actions and continue to be a rich spoiled Hollywood star without the supply of cocaine and whores stopping for even one moment.

This is the first time since the Bush Administration’s reign of error ended that I have come across a news story so appalling that I found myself struggling to articulate it. So, cograts, Stevie. You’re in the Bush League now. Your family must be so proud.

Luckily, Baldwin is doing his crimes against all known forms of decency, decorum, and dignity on the Internet, and the Internet is perfectly capable of protecting itself from this sort of thing via mockery.

Being a Joss fan, I wholeheartedly endorse this effort to restore him, although I really didn’t care for Dollhouse. But still, if anyone deserves to be “restored”, it’s someone like him, a genuinely creative, funny, talented guy beloved by almost everyone who’s ever worked with him who has given the world tons of pleasure with his television shows. Not some jaw-droppingly narcissistic Hollywood lightweight who only gets work because he sorta kinda looks like an android replicant of his much more talented brother.

I think Mister Baldwin is going to learn that this little party-boy pledge drive of his will draw way more fire than funds. I’m pretty sure nearly anyone in the Christian faith communities will turn up their noses and flee at such obvious and crass manipulation. You don’t have to be a genius to realize you will reap very very easy hay by coming out and condemning Baldwin if you’re a right-of-center American Religious Right figure of any stripe at all. He’s such an easy target.

I suppose, though, if I was a shit-lizard like Baldwin, I wouldn’t care what anyone thought of me as long as there was enough suckers out there to keep me in the lifestyle I no longer feel like earning. Which makes me wonder if there’s some sharp young prosecutors out there who would love to make their bones taking down such an instant pariah by going over the website and all the published materials to see if he’s violating any of the rules regarding charities. He is, after all, basically soliciting donations in God’s name, so he and his lawyers better make damned sure they have everything nailed down airtight in regards to the laws regarding what you can and cannot do and still be considered a private institution and therefore not subject to all the rules regarding what you can do with all that money you hope to solicit.

It would be pretty awesome if the money did, indeed, go to his “ministry”… and then he couldn’t touch a cent of it. Mua ha ha ha.

I hope they kick this fucker’s ass on the Daily Show tonight.

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News : Banning travel to Arizona

Apr 28

Posted by MegaWordMan in Politics | 4 Comments

The City of San Francisco sent a message to those racists in Arizona by forbidding all city employees to travel to the state of Arizona on the City’s dime.

People are worried Arizona might retaliate, stop sending conventions to San Franciso or even ban California products from being sold in Arizona.

And in truth, I doubt the people of Arizona give a rat’s ass about what people in San Francisco think of them. The grumpy old bigots in charge sure as hell don’t. They’d be quite happy to ban everyone who had even been to San Francisco if they thought they could get away with it.

But sometimes, a gesture has just got to be made. And that’s all this is, a gesture, but one that I think is necessary not because it will bring the government of Arizona to it’s knees but because it expresses people shock, outrage, and disbelief at the kind of crap Arizona is pulling lately.

Arizona is a perfect example of the true ugly hateful face of the right wing of the USA. This is exactly what happens when a bunch of “get off my lawn!” evil old people get in power. They have completely lost their advanced human ethical functions like compassion and temperance. All that is left is the reptile-brain territoriality, urge to punish, obsession with sex, and love of getting really, really angry.

Can you imagine these Arizona scumbags doing anything “out of the goodness of their hearts”?

I submit that these people have neither.

In general, anti-immigrant sentiment is bullshit. It’s just hateful angry people looking for a group they can focus all their rage towards and shit upon. It’s easy to sell the stupid and the depraved on the idea that all of our problems can be blamed on those strangers. You know, the ones who are not like us, and make us feel uncomfortable with their different ways and strange clothes and sinisterly dark skin. They don’t smell like the rest of us! They are different! There must be something wrong with them, that they scare us so much! OUR FEARS ARE JUSTIFIED!

So the cretins pick on illegal immigrants, the weakest group in society, because legally speaking they have no rights in your country. They can’t fight back. They are the perfect targets for mindless hate. And it’s great to blame the strangers for your problems, because that means it’s not YOUR fault! Oh, what a blessed relief it must be to hear that none of your problems are YOUR fault. No, it’s all those dirty filthy scheming immigrants who breed like rabbits and are trying to take over.

It doesn’t matter that these fears are almost entirely irrational and based on the very worst in human nature. The evil idea is simply too enticing for weak-minded and ethically deficient people to resist. It takes a lot more than mere logic, facts, and truth to pry so emotionally satisfying a belief from the closed steel trap of a tiny narrow mind.

Luckily, this sort of thing also forms the tipping point. The more extreme and thus out of the mainstream beliefs get put into practice in isolated cases like Arizona, the more the mainstream moves in the opposite direction in reaction. By putting this Fuck Brown People law into place, those motherless goats in Arizona have only hastened the demise of this generation of American conservatism. The mere urge to distance themselves from the universally reviled Arizona will force politicians to move to the left.

So while it’s certainly going to suck to be brown in Arizona for the next while, I think the overall effect on the USA and the world will be a positive one.

The tide has turned and all these Fox News Republicans are starting to down.

Arizona just tossed them an anchor.

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WTF : Hire an Evil Clown for your kid’s birthday

Apr 14

Posted by MegaWordMan in News, Odd, World | 3 Comments

But, if putting a padded bra on your little girl is not psychologically scarring enough, then you could always hire an evil clown to stalk them for their birthday.

I am totally serious. This “Evil Clown”, stage name Dominic Deville, will stalk and harass and threaten your child for the week leading up to their birthday, sending them threatening texts and emails, putting up notes telling them how he will GET them, making prank phone calls, and basically doing his best to scare the fertilizer out of your little darling and scar them for life.

As a treat! For the kid. You pay him to do this!

Now the article doesn’t quite make it clear, but I can only assume you TELL your child about this. Maybe not the details, but you tell them not to be scared if weird things start happening, that it’s all part of a treat for them, or something like that.

Otherwise, there’s like a million different ways this could go HORRIBLY HORRIBLY WRONG.

Giving the kid genuine psychological trauma is certainly the most obvious and likely one. But what if your kids calls the cops? What if he asks you to intervene on his behalf to save his life, what do you do, say “no dear, we’ve decided to let him get you. ” Ha ha ha. Fun.

Or hey, maybe you’ll have a highly proactive “Home Alone” kind of kid who ends up braining Evil Clown Boy with a paint can on fishing line or something.

Now during the seven days, the clown’s main mission is to smash the kids’s face…. with a cake.

If the kid manages to dodge the caking, he gets to keep the cake as a present.

No matter how I look at this, it seems like a bad idea. I mean sure, some kids will love it, but the potential disasters seem too plentiful to make it worth the risk.

But you know who I bet would really love this kind of thing? No, not The Joker, or John Wayne Gacy…

They all float down here

… yeah. That guy.

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Video : Conan Will Survive

Apr 13

Posted by MegaWordMan in Entertainment, Links, News, Video | 2 Comments

This one goes out to all of us on Team CoCo!

Now, warning, this is a bootleg clip and so the audio is not that great, and Conan can’t really sing that well, but none the less, I’m really glad to see this and that it exists.

Yes, Conan is on tour. He’s in Vancouver right now, in fact, but I haven’t the funds to go see him.

But it’s great to see him out there in front of the public. There’s a lot of people who support him out there. Me, I’m on his side largely because of how horribly he got screwed and how much that caused me to dislike Jay Leno. Plus, I remember the Good Conan, the likable Conan, before Andy left and he became more bitter and hostile and nerd-bashing. I’m hoping this whole experience has brought him back to his senses and made him realize that it’s us nerdy types who follow him on Twitter and watch the Simpsons and such who are the backbone of his fanbase, his people, his kind. We’re the ones he’s talking to on Twitter and who plaster Team Coco on all kinds of things and in general are behind the big outpouring of Conan love he’s enjoying right now.

As long as he remembers this, and keeps the good feelings going, we’ll all keep getting along fine.

And it’s more than an academic question, because in a move that has shocked millions of media pundits and industry insiders, Conan has signed up with TBS, not Fox, to do a new 11pm show.

Regarding the movie, Conan said “In three months I’ve gone from network television to Twitter to performing live in theaters, and now I’m headed to basic cable. My plan is working perfectly.”. LOL. :) Next move : busking for quarters in the LA Port Authority, then straight to making YouTube videos of himself beatboxing to old show tunes. BRILLIANT!

The reported reason for going with TBS instead of Fox is something about Fox not being able to give him the guarantees he wants of nationwide coverage because of affiliate troubles, but I’m hoping that the real reason is simple.

He’d rather work for Ted Turner (a son of a bitch I’ve always liked) than Rupert Murdoch (who is responsible for Fox News and therefore should die die die die die. )

I mean, that’s no fucking contest at all. They’re both billionaire media moguls Ted Turner is like the Obi Wan Kenobi to Murdoch’s Darth Vader. Ted Turner does things like donate a billion dollars to the UN in an attempt to shame the USA into paying its UN dues for a change. Rupert OWNS AND RUNS FOX NEWS. That means he’s responsible for all its crimes. Fucker.

So bravo to Coco for going with TBS instead of Fox. I hope his new show kicks Leno’s ass and puts The Human Jaw out of work by being just so much more modern, positive, fun, and witty than Leno’s tired old halfassed middle of the road schtick.

Take a look at Ellen, Conan. She has a hugely successful show and she’s never mean at all.

You could learn a lot from her!

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Crime : Ladies, Don’t Let This Become You

Apr 3

Posted by MegaWordMan in Commentary, Crime, News | 2 Comments

Life in certain strata of society is a never ending slide into sadness and tragedy.

Police arrested a woman in Bangor, Maine for a kind of unusual crime.

She set fire to a poster in the police station.

Well, I mean, she must be some sort of crazed Russ Myers thrill killing demon chick who lives for violence and thrills, right?

You tell me. This is what she looks like.

Sally Struthers looks like hell these days

Sally Struthers looks like hell these days

Jesus, look at those eyes. Those eyes have seen a lot of heartache and tears. This is what perky airheads look like 30 years after they peaked in high school.

So why on Earth did this woman set fire to a poster in a police station?

So she could be “closer” to her boyfriend, who was in jail.

Her live-in lover had been arrested earlier that evening, and after unsuccessfully trying to get in to visit him, she did the only logical and sensible thing, and lit a poster on fire.

It worked, she was arrested for arson, a felony, and while they don’t usually mix genders in county lockup, if she was lucky, they were in adjoining cells. Ah, true love.

This, ladies, is what happens to women who just can’t stop chasing the bad boys. I bet this woman has kids from previous bad-boy boyfriends too. Kids who are wondering where Mommy went and when she’ll be back. But who have been through things like this before.

I’ve known women like that. In a sense, they are a perfect match for their bad-boy boyfriends. These men are pigs, animals, nothing but grunting belching aggressive brutes with bad attitudes and problems with authority, who pretty much have stopped thinking and just do whatever their balls tell them to do. So they fight and swear and drink and beat their women and fuck around on them and get in trouble all the time. They display all male sexual characteristics to such an extent that they are barely people. They’re fucking animals.

Well, some women are animals too. Cows. For them, its their ovaries that are running the show, making them shallow, very emotional, incredibly dependent on their males for the slightest amount of self-worth, and irresistibly attracted to the men that display the most exaggerated male characteristics… the pigs, in other words. They’ll do anything…. turn to crime, betray their families, abandon their children at the drop of a hat… all to stay as close as they can to that Almighty Cock. Why? Because just like with the pigs, with cows, the hormones are making all the decisions. Higher emotions simply do not stand a chance.

Of course, most women aren’t like that, just like most men aren’t pigs. With most people, there might be a phase in their late teens and early 20′s where they are slaves to the hormones and act like I describe, but they soon get over it in their mid twenties and start looking for long-term relationships and move, bit by bit, into Marriage Mode and on into the childrearing and retirement years.

But some people never get out of that phase, and I’ve seen it unfold. The cows pay lip services to the idea that what they need is a nice guy but every single time they go for the “exciting” guy, the violent asshole who makes their pussy wet with all that testosterone and they’ll do anything, absolutely anything, for a guy like that.

I knew one woman who had three kids from three different fathers, all born within the same roughly five year periods. All three guys, of course, beat her and stole from her and smacked the kids around because they were pigs. All of them, of course, ended up in prison because they were incapable of restraining themselves long enough to keep a job for more than a month or so, and so they all lived off her, went out drinking with their buddies all the time with her money, and more or less treated her completely like shit.

By the time I met this woman, she was 45. And she told me very confidently that all of that was behind her now, that having her children taken away from her FOUR SEPARATE TIMES had really taught her about what’s important, and as far as she was concerned, she was going to die an old maid grandmother, and was fine with that.

We all know what happens next, don’t we?

Terrible Boyfriend Number 2 gets out of prison, show up out of the blue with some flowers, and she abandons her children and moves with him to Alberta. Didn’t even write the kids a goodbye note. Just left.

Her oldest was my age at the time, 15, and was in my classes at school. It was her that had to call Family Services and tell them that her mother had abandoned them. probably for good this time, and her that finished raising her siblings with the help of a social worker that visited three times a week, and some neighbours who agreed to look in every day.

That’s the dark side, ladies. As a man, I have to look at those asshole pig men and recognize that they are the worst aspects of something I share myself… the worst expression of the same male nature I have. That might be part of why I hate them so much.

The cows are the same thing for women.

Jesus, I hadn’t thought about that woman in years.

You learn a surprising amount about humanity being a paperboy.

Oh, and before I forget, lest I seem too classist, the lady in question was from a middle class upbringing just like mine.

I’m sure her parents were very proud.

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CUTE : Tiny kitten. Big dog. AWWW.

Apr 1

Posted by MegaWordMan in Captions, Links | 1 Comment

This picture is so adorable it’s almost painful.

These are not the droids you're looking for. We may go.

These are not the droids you're looking for. We may go.

It really looks like the dog is listening really intently to what the kitten is saying.

Kitten : So you see, they just kept loaning money to people who had no chance of ever paying it back, but they didn’t care, because the guys who authorized the loans got big fat commissions whether or not it was a good idea or not…
Dog : Yeah, right, I got that…
Kitten : But then the banks were stuck with huge amounts of risky loans.. it’s like they’d bet everything on a 250-to-1 bet…. actually, on millions of them… and they were desperate to hide what idiots they had been, so they got their eggheads to come up with a bullshit repackaging of all this bad debt that made them look like good debt…
Dog : Right, right, I got that…
Kitten : And then the smaller banks sold the bad debt to bigger banks, who wanted to believe that it was good debt because if it was, it was an AMAZINGLY good deal…
Dog : Uh huh. Right.
Kitten : And that continued up the food chain as people bought the crap debt, realized they’d been screwed, put a fresh coat of polish on that turd, and sold it again to the next level up.
Dog : So that’s what happened to people like Lehman Brothers and Goldman Sachs
Kitten : Yup. They bought so much lousy debt that it nearly killed them.
Dog : Well how come we gotta pay for them being so stupid?
Kitten : Because the banks own the government, Spike.

Aaaaand…. scene.

I truly have no idea where I am going to end up when I write these things any more.

It’s both scary and exciting. I keep wondering if I am going to start out writing something about Tea Party morons and end up coming up with the Grand Unified Field Theory.

So… stay posted.

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